I Was Devastated!

Hello, again,

I am not to sure how to start this blog.  It's been on my mind a lot over the last few days, but I wasn't sure how to approach this, so here we go . . .

If you haven't read my last blog, received a phone call from my husband, or my mother you may not know.  Our IVF attempt was not a success.  I received a call Tuesday around lunch time from the embryologist at Conceptions saying the embryos did not form to the blastocyst that we were expecting.  They were "stuck" in the stage I mentioned in On To Day 6.

I was devastated! 

I can't fully recall what was running through my mind except that I needed to leave.  I was already crying at my desk.  By the time I got my purse, locked my drawers and sent a message to my boss, I put myself together enough to make it to my car to call my husband.  He left early that morning for a business trip for 3 days so he wasn't going to be home.  I remembered thinking how difficult the next few days were going to be, knowing he was not going to be here. . .   Needless to say, I lost it when I heard his voice.  I had a hard time catching my breath as I was sobbing uncontrollably.  He did his best to try and get me to calm down, but he was feeling it too.  He knew I needed to just let go.  I can't say what he was feeling for sure, but I know he was as surprised and caught off guard as I was.

All I wanted was to get home, log in to my computer and work from home.  I wanted nothing to do with anyone.  I knew I was going to get texts, phone calls and emails asking for an update, so I'll be honest... I did NOT want to talk to anyone or see anyone.  I had to let one of my best friends know I didn't want her coming over, I just needed to be alone.  I have avoided conversation, confrontation and questions for the past 6 days, and I want everyone to know I am sorry.  Please do not take it personally, I have not been able to discuss the events that have taken place.  I have had to accept the feelings and the loss from this experience.  It is going to take time, so just bare with me.

I have received cards, flowers and an edible arrangement, and would like to thank you, thank you all!

We don't know what is next for us on this journey, but it is not over.