It's OK For Me to Get Frustrated

Hello, Hello!

If you've wanted to know some of the frustrations I have while going through this IVF journey, here's your chance.  Just keep reading because unfortunately I have a few to list off.

I've spent the last 30 hours wondering if I've missed my surge, or worse, did it even happen?  My first day of testing I saw an open circle.  The second day a flashing smiley face, and the third, again, a flashing face.  I was certain on the fourth day I'd see my "static" smiley, but what I wasn't prepared to see was another open circle.  Yes, you read that right.  What is going on?  

I lose my first opportunity to begin my IVF cycle due to some inconvenient intruders to my ovaries.  I find out I will no longer have my favorite IVF nurse (I'll get back to that), and now i miss my surge...  I know I'll have a few people come to me and say 'It's ok', 'don't give up' and even 'you're reading to much into it.'  My response to that is, "It's OK for me to get frustrated."  This is not easy, and it has not been painless.  Some people may think that I would be used to it at this point, I mean come on, it's already been 3 years.  I know I've made that comment too, but it doesn't mean I don't think about how truly difficult it is and has been.  

I was just thinking about a conversation I had with my neighbor 2 years ago when I found out she was pregnant with number two.  She told me there was a moment that she got nervous and was about to see a specialist after they had tried for 2 months and nothing happened, because the first pregnancy happened exactly as they had planned.  Really?  Two months?  I remember feeling my stomach hit the ground, because at that point it had been over a year and we still hadn't seen a fertility specialist.  I never imagined I'd be sitting here today, two years later still hoping my plan had worked.  I've had a few people tell me it frustrates them hearing women get upset after just a few months, but just like my neighbor I remember feeling the pain after the first month of trying.  Needless to say, whether it's been one month or 5 years, it's still difficult.  After attending the IVF class, I learned that one in three couples are considered infertile today.  That's increased from one in seven only 15 years ago.  I don't even want to think what that statistic will be in 10 years...

I want to circle back to a comment I made in my third paragraph, regarding my favorite IVF nurse.  Shortly after the discovery of the cysts I had communication with Claudia about her assisting with the transfer team after losing an employee there.  I knew she had other IVF nurses helping with her patients, but I was hoping by the time I was back on track that she'd be there to walk with me.  Well...  I discovered a few weeks ago that she will remain on the transfer team, so in the meantime I have some new relationships to form.  The blog from last month about Claudia, You Can Do This!!! :), mentions how some people seem to be doing what they were born to do.  I still firmly believe that, and I am trying not to let myself get upset over this transition, but it is difficult.  I am concentrating on the future, knowing that my friend will be by my side as I prepare for the transfer part of my journey.  Until then, I am waiting, waiting for some good news...